Sunday, April 19, 2009

Uncomfortable plot summaries

Wasn't the F1 Grand Prix today good, and han't the start to the season been refreshing? It's great to see the order shaken up a bit and some unexpected names duelling it out at the front. The entitled likes of Ferrari deserve to have their pomposity pricked, even if we all know that it will all sort itself back to normal by the end of the season... Anyway, if like me you are having a quiet afternoon, this mega-list of uncomfortable plot summaries is an excellent way to waste some time. Spot on; some of my favourites are:

BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
BILLY ELLIOT: Union worker turns back on strikers for personal gain.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: Disruptive mental patients treated.
STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Critique of Catholicism upstaged by polar bear fight.
THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.

Oops, I only intended to C+P a couple, but there are so many good ones...

And if you want to waste even more time, how about an exhaustive list of common misconceptions?. This is the kind of stuff that Wikipedia was made for. Napoleon was not short, snapping your knuckles does not cause arthritis, water looks blue because it is blue, Inuit do not have a lot of words for snow, and toilet waste is not dumped from aircraft during flight.

That'll do for today. I am off to Norway tomorrow for a few days of work. I will fly to Bergen first but am spending all 4 nights in lovely Stavanger. It's a compact city, is pretty, hospitable, and very pleasant when the sun shines. Which is about as often as in Aberdeen. I like going there with work because, like everywhere in Scandinavia, it is cripplingly expensive for a non-local to exist there without bankruptcy. They must get paid a fortune. Not sure what the internet access will be like, but they are very modern there so I expect it in my hotel room. This means that you may get the joy of some blather from me. Hurrah!


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